1 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:04,470 Hey, Willie, when does the band get here? 2 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,672 No band, ALF. 3 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,975 Well then, who's gonna back up the dancing poodles? 4 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:14,113 There are no dancing poodles. 5 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:17,316 Yeah, there are. I saw them on "Letterman." 6 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:19,752 They dance pretty good for white dogs. 7 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,155 No poodles, ALF. 8 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,723 And next time, I'll thank you 9 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,092 not to order dancing dogs 10 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,328 without asking me first. 11 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,829 Okay. 12 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,532 So, when do all the guests arrive? 13 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,667 Neal? He'll be here soon. 14 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,203 He just had to stop off for a bottle of wine. 15 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:41,440 So, my third anniversary of landing on your planet 16 00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,775 is gonna be just another day 17 00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:45,310 except for toilet paper on the ceiling 18 00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,579 and a piece of dry cake. 19 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:51,517 Gee, guys. I'm all misty. 20 00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:54,686 ALF, we're trying to make this as special as we can, huh? 21 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,656 By the way, this isn't toilet paper. 22 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,591 Well, it does the job 23 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,660 although it chafes. 24 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,829 [telephone ringing] 25 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,064 I'll get it. 26 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,366 Here, ALF. Does this look like your spaceship? 27 00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,634 (Kate) 'Hello?' 28 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:09,935 Well, you forgot the bumper sticker. 29 00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:12,838 "My other spaceship is a Porsche." 30 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,174 Other than that, it's a pretty feeble attempt. 31 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:18,277 Ah. Calm down, mom. I can hardly hear you. 32 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,779 Where are you? 33 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,347 The airport? 34 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:25,084 Don't invite her! Don't invite her! 35 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:27,986 What's wrong? 36 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:30,255 Oh.. 37 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,957 Oh, n.. No, no. 38 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,027 Stay right where you are. I'm on my way. 39 00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:38,297 I thought you said we couldn't have a dancing dog? 40 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,532 - ALF. - You're right. 41 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:44,036 Who am I to assume she knows how to dance? 42 00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:46,205 What happened to grandma? 43 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,240 Mom and Whizzer had a fight. 44 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,710 She left him. I gotta go pick her up. 45 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,146 What, is her thumb broken? 46 00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,982 [theme music] 47 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,943 [instrumental music] 48 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:03,248 Okay, okay, uh, we've got a clock and a bird. 49 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:04,416 - Uh-huh. - Bird-watch! 50 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,486 - Uh-unh! - Uh, uh, bird-watching! 51 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:10,389 - That's it, let's eat. - Uh-unh! 52 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,524 Are you sure? 53 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,626 Watch. Bird. 54 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,163 Watch-bird. 55 00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:25,070 One flew over the cuckoo's nest! 56 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,638 Ugh! 57 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,076 That's my final answer. Make it work. 58 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,680 Oh, come on! 59 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,216 What else could it be? 60 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:38,217 [timer dings] 61 00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:42,020 What about "time flies?" 62 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:45,090 What about a halfway decent clue? 63 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,262 Are you having fun, ALF? 64 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,830 Yeah. Great party. 65 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,800 Considering you guys wouldn't let me have helium. 66 00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,804 Ah.. Oh, aha. 67 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,840 I believe I smell a victory. 68 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:04,076 - Ready? - Uh, yeah. 69 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,044 Go. 70 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,980 (Brian) 'Okay.' 71 00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,014 West! 72 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,916 West.. 73 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,017 Z.. 74 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,151 Sleep? 75 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,453 Quiet. 76 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,954 "All Quiet On The Western Front!" 77 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,723 That's it. 78 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,658 Boy, way to go. 79 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,327 How come they always get the easy ones? 80 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,164 "Time flies?" 81 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,899 [doorbell rings] 82 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:31,203 Oh, boy! The guest has arrived. 83 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,576 What on earth? 84 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,177 Hi, Willie. 85 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,445 Hi, everyone. 86 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,813 Hi, ALF. 87 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,615 Happy anniversary. 88 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,517 Hi, Uncle Neal. 89 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:46,918 Hi, Uncle Neal. 90 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,421 Why are you dressed like a bed? 91 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:53,158 ALF said it was a toga party. 92 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,662 Shoot! That was the call I was supposed to make. 93 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:01,600 I'll, uh, I'll get you something to put on. 94 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,669 Or we could all wear sheets! 95 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:07,606 Lynn? To-ga! To-ga! To-ga! 96 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,876 Fat chance, fat chance, fat chance. 97 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,779 So where are the dogs? 98 00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,785 They're at the airport. 99 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,820 I heard that. 100 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,355 He's upset because Kate went to the airport 101 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,057 to pick up her mother, and he's afraid 102 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:26,758 that she's gonna spoil his party. 103 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,927 Oh. What brings Dorothy to town? 104 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,264 Oh, she and Whizzer had another fight. 105 00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:33,832 She flew out by herself. 106 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,934 Aw, that's a shame. 107 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:39,371 Another marriage flapping in shallow water. 108 00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:42,240 That's how I felt when Margaret dumped me. 109 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:46,678 Oh, great. My party's turning into a suicide watch. 110 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,982 [instrumental music] 111 00:05:56,323 --> 00:06:00,592 Everything I own in the world is in those suitcases. 112 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,561 Mrs. Deaver, we're very, very sorry 113 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,862 about any inconvenience. 114 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,364 If they are not on the next plane 115 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:06,598 we will have them delivered 116 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,600 as soon as we can locate them. 117 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,068 Please accept this coupon 118 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,604 good for one free drink plus earphones 119 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,272 on your next international flight 120 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,875 some restrictions apply. 121 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:17,909 Listen, young man. 122 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,277 This is not the first time 123 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,679 I have gone through this on your airline. 124 00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:23,515 Okay. Look. Alright, I confess. 125 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,983 I took your bags. 126 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,651 I was behind you on the counter in St. Louis. 127 00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:30,155 I said to myself, "Whoo, this lady must have pretty things" 128 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,125 is that what you want to hear? 129 00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:35,827 Well, there's no need to get nasty. 130 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:39,164 I'll check one more time, because I care. 131 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,867 Have a seat. 132 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,735 Smart aleck. 133 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,138 [sighs] Mom. 134 00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:48,907 Oh, Kate! Oh, it's so good to see you. 135 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,843 I have been looking all over for you. 136 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:52,844 What happened? 137 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,980 Oh, it was awful. 138 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:57,482 I did roadside check-in in St. Louis. 139 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,151 Never do that. Always take your bags straight.. 140 00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:03,755 Mom, mom. I was talking about you and Whizzer. 141 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,457 Look, I don't want to talk about it. 142 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:07,793 I have more important things on my mind. 143 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:11,430 Okay, here. Come here. Come here. Sit down. 144 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,865 Mom, you can replace luggage. 145 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,801 You can't replace a husband. 146 00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,170 That depends on the luggage. 147 00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:20,038 Mom. Whizzer? 148 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,008 He's dead. How's the baby? 149 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:25,076 You flew 2,000 miles, you call me in a panic 150 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,480 you don't want to discuss it, fine. 151 00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,982 He doesn't give a damn about me. 152 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,852 All he cares about is jazz, jazz, jazz. 153 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,488 The man is a cultural cul-de-sac. 154 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,722 Do you know what it is like 155 00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,224 trying to reason with someone 156 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:41,493 while he's draining his spit valve? 157 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:48,133 Mom, you knew a spit valve came with the marriage. 158 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,168 But I didn't know my home would end up 159 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,804 being a storage locker in L.A. 160 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:56,441 All I asked from him was to give up his lifestyle 161 00:07:56,443 --> 00:08:01,313 and stay in one place. Here. He said no. 162 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:05,183 So, I suggested a new place to store his saxophone and left. 163 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,187 Mom, you knew how important 164 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,755 being on the road was to Whizzer. 165 00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,692 Now, is it possible that you're not being 166 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:16,261 totally sensitive to his feelings? 167 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:20,565 Kate, that is not fair. I'm a very sensitive person. 168 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,034 I'm sorry. 169 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,971 Now, where's rain man with my bags? 170 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,407 What? 171 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,613 Alright! Come on, I'm on a roll. 172 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,781 Hit me with another one. 173 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:39,351 Um, okay. 174 00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:40,552 Okay. 175 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:41,987 Okay. 176 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:44,422 [piano music] 177 00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,958 Ehh! "The Jeffersons!" 178 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,861 Mid '70 situation comedy 179 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,763 known today as "Amen." 180 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,098 - Oh, Lynn, you know that. - I know. 181 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,433 Come on, come on, I'm hot. 182 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:58,603 Alright, alright, here it goes. Here's one. Uh.. 183 00:08:58,605 --> 00:08:59,604 [piano music] 184 00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:02,641 Eh! "Green Acres!" 185 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,076 Eddie Albert, Eva Gabor 186 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,579 finest of the rural comedies. 187 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,148 - Next! Huh. - Okay. 188 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,783 H-here's one you don't know. 189 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,419 Oh. Uh.. 190 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,354 [piano music] 191 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:21,059 Ehh! "Arnie." 192 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:25,897 Herschel Bernardi stepping stone to "Fiddler On The Roof." 193 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,933 Next. 194 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,734 Can we play something else? 195 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,937 Something maybe we can all take part in? 196 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,739 No! Next! 197 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,876 Brian, uh, is it past, uh 198 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,245 certain somebody's bed time? 199 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,514 You want us to wake you when grandma Dorothy gets here? 200 00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:44,349 Only if she brought me something. 201 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,952 If not, tell her I'll see her in the morning. 202 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:51,156 [telephone ringing] 203 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:52,891 Hello? 204 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,859 Oh, hi, honey. Where are you? 205 00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:57,596 What? Well.. W-what happened? 206 00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:01,299 Oh, don't tell me. She's been taken hostage. 207 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,935 I say no deals. 208 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,503 They're still at the airport. They.. 209 00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:08,607 Th-they lost Dorothy's suitcases. 210 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,475 Too bad they didn't lose her. 211 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,312 I can't get the two of them don't get along. 212 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,981 Oh, they've had their moments. 213 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,882 Luckily, one of us is always been around 214 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,451 to turn the hose on them. 215 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,121 Well, tell her we say "hi." 216 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,191 Fun? 217 00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:28,326 I wouldn't say fun. 218 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,129 Hurry home, though. 219 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,031 We'll save you some cake. 220 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,800 [doorbell rings] 221 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,003 Wait, don't tell me! 222 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:41,473 You got me my dancing poodles after all! 223 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,742 Oh, I shouldn't have said anything. 224 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,678 I spoiled the surprise. 225 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,146 Get in the kitchen. 226 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,548 Oh, you're really gonna milk this, huh? 227 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,885 Okay. I'll try to look surprised. 228 00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,021 How's this? 229 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:03,628 Well, it's Whizzer! 230 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,729 Whizzer! 231 00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,698 Hi, Willie. Is Dorothy here? 232 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,367 No, Kate just went to pick her up at the airport. 233 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,036 I must have just missed them. 234 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,170 Hi, Neal. Hi, Lynn. 235 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,606 - Hi, Whizzer. - Hi, Whizzer. 236 00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:15,807 I guess you heard. 237 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,575 About your fight with Dorothy? 238 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,310 The woman is impossible. 239 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,479 Nothing I do seems to please her. 240 00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,248 I'm telling you, this thing has got me so worked up 241 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,050 I don't know what to do anymore. 242 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,584 I would have called, but.. 243 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:29,287 I've been a bundle of raw nerves ever since the argument. 244 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,056 It's all I can do, is to keep myself 245 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,625 from losing it altogether. 246 00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:35,026 - I need a beer. - No! 247 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:39,130 Relax! I'll leave a buck on the counter, you cheapskate! 248 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,733 Oh, I'm sorry. 249 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,802 See what I mean? 250 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,904 S-stop! 251 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:48,106 [screaming] 252 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,774 (ALF) 'Arf, arf.' 253 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,676 'Would you believe "meow?"' 254 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,678 [instrumental music] 255 00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,385 [instrumental music] 256 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,723 How's your headache, Whizzer? 257 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,491 It's getting better. 258 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,159 You know, I always thought that "hitting the ceiling" 259 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,361 was just an expression. 260 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,397 Does he, uh, levitate, or cure people 261 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,532 by touching them, or anything? 262 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:18,203 You kidding? Can't even make his own bed. 263 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,306 I can so! 264 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,842 I just don't want to. 265 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:26,811 You know, I've played a lot of clubs over the year, but, uh 266 00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:29,981 you're the third strangest things I've ever seen. 267 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,684 Really? Does that include Kate? 268 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:37,122 [sighs] Here you go, Whizzer. Drink this. 269 00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,791 Your pupils are dilating nicely. 270 00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,893 Thank you. 271 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,595 So, ALF, uh.. 272 00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,764 What have you done since you got here? 273 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,566 Well, I, uh.. 274 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,034 Uh, w.. I, uh.. 275 00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,904 Uh.. 276 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,773 Willie? 277 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,709 Oh, well, he.. 278 00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,511 ...he eats a lot. 279 00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,579 Have I left anything out, ALF? 280 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,050 This is incredible. 281 00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,919 First, my wife leaves me 282 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,554 then I meet an alien. 283 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:12,090 How many people can say that? 284 00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:22,600 (Dorothy) You think, if they could get 250 tons of metal supply 285 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,703 how hard could it be to find two pieces of luggage 286 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:29,140 day glow pink yarn? 287 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,708 Mom, enough talk about the luggage. 288 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:34,612 They said, they'll call, they'll call. You're driving me crazy. 289 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,482 You used to be such an agreeable child. 290 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:42,086 Mom, Whizzer has been playing music for 40 years 291 00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,555 he has known you for less than two 292 00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:46,057 you're behaving like a child. 293 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,992 Why don't you just call him? 294 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,495 And give him the satisfaction? 295 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,398 - Mom! - Anyway, I can't. 296 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,233 I don't even know where he is. 297 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,969 For all I know, he's in some two-bit jazz club 298 00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,805 buying a drink for some lonely middle-age floozy. 299 00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:03,274 - Oh, Whizzer won't do that. - Are you kidding? 300 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,210 How do you think he met me? 301 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:09,280 [instrumental music] 302 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,852 Come on, 7, come, 11. 303 00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:16,821 Daddy needs a new pair of shoes. 304 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:20,124 Don't give me no boxcars, baby. 305 00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:21,392 Yeah, oh, yeah 306 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,228 mama, come to papa. 307 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:26,097 You know what I like. 308 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:30,101 Do you have to comment on every single card? 309 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,369 It's a quick drop from wonderment 310 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,872 to aggravation, isn't it, Whizzer? 311 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,140 Come on, shut up and bet. 312 00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,642 Who didn't ante? 313 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,077 You, ALF. 314 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,245 Oh, right. 315 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,180 Cover me, Neal. 316 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,649 What's the limit? 317 00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,952 $5.00. Same as it was a half an hour ago. 318 00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:50,855 Okay, keep your shorts on. 319 00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:53,591 I open for a quarter. 320 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,159 - I'm in. - Me, too. 321 00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,194 I'll stay for a quarter. 322 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,195 Sure, why not? 323 00:14:57,197 --> 00:15:00,198 Well, too rich for my blood. 324 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,467 You were the one that made the bet! 325 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,435 Oh, hello, Mr. Hoyle! 326 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,405 I didn't see you come in! 327 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,773 Cards, everybody. 328 00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,976 Okay, I'll stay with what I've got. 329 00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:13,845 Two's fine. 330 00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:15,480 One, please. 331 00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,116 Will you not 332 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,185 please not keep looking at my cards? 333 00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,621 Then keep them out of my face. 334 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,391 Give me two. 335 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,359 Dealer takes three. 336 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,662 That sounds good. I'll have the same. 337 00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:33,131 You already said you didn't want any. 338 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,666 It's too late. 339 00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:39,203 But that was before I knew what Willie's cards were. 340 00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:42,106 I'm out. 341 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,075 What was the limit, again? 342 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,411 (all) $5.00! 343 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:50,014 Well, in that case, I'll bet 35 cents. 344 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,919 I'll see that 35 cents 345 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,288 and I'll raise you $1.00. 346 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,823 I'm out. 347 00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,458 Yep, me too. 348 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,560 Well, they're dropping like flies. 349 00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,295 The bluff's working. 350 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,830 Alright, I'll see that $1.00 351 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:09,801 and I'll keep it company with.. What's the limit? 352 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:13,271 I'm kidding! Kidding, man! 353 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,440 Uh, Willie 354 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,308 would you stake me? 355 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,845 To what? Uh, I mean, yeah. Sure. 356 00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:26,150 Hm. 357 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,919 Oh, come on, Uncle Neal, stay in. 358 00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:29,220 He can't know what he's doing. 359 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,456 Don't be a fool, Neal, fold. 360 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,559 Nobody plays that stupidly without having a plan. 361 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,729 Trust me, there's no plan. 362 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:43,034 Okay, I'll see you four 363 00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:46,237 and I'll raise you five. 364 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,573 What do you say, big talker? 365 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:54,512 Thanks. Let's see 'em, Neal! 366 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,948 Three queens! What have you got? 367 00:16:56,950 --> 00:17:00,585 Well, enough sense not to bet with my own money! 368 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:04,822 My deal! Five-card draw, all red cards wild! 369 00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,662 Well, the place is still standing. 370 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,499 What did you do, dump the alien? 371 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,401 No, he's still with us. 372 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,435 As a matter of fact, we're throwing him 373 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,970 a party in his honor. 374 00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:20,605 Open or closed casket? 375 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,374 [sighs] I'm sorry. 376 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:24,876 I guess I'm just upset. 377 00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:28,546 It's not every day you lose your luggage. 378 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,581 Mom, you'll spend the night with us 379 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,483 and in the morning, you'll get in touch with Whizzer 380 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,285 and discuss your differences 381 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,988 like mature, rational adults. 382 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:39,424 (Whizzer) Come on, come on, give me my cards! 383 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,526 - Give me my cards back! - No! 384 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:42,727 - Yes! - Make me! 385 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,928 Step outside, you little-- 386 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,797 Whizzer! 387 00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:46,964 Dorothy. 388 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,067 What are you doing here? 389 00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:50,568 I came looking for you. 390 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,839 So, you met cousin "IT." 391 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,341 Met him? He's cheated me at cards. 392 00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,010 Sore loser! 393 00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:01,412 Can't prove it. 394 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,114 Oh, Dorothy, good to see you again. 395 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,982 Yes, Willie. 396 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,885 - Hi, grandma. - Ah, sweetheart. 397 00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,987 - Hi, Dorothy. - Hello, Neal. 398 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,857 Oh, I 'm sorry about you and Margaret. 399 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,393 Aw, thanks, Dorothy. It was a tough adjustment. 400 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,594 I mean, after all, when you've spent 401 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,595 as much time with one person-- 402 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,063 Can it, Neal! 403 00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,998 She's not interested. 404 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,468 So, Dorothy, can I get you something? 405 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:27,004 A cab? A rickshaw? A broom? 406 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:32,009 No, maybe just a baseball bat 407 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,945 and a small body bag. 408 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:36,614 I-I think maybe we should give 409 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,083 Dorothy and ALF a little privacy. 410 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,985 Don't you mean Whizzer? 411 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,019 What did I say? 412 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,421 You said "ALF." 413 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:46,023 Oh, what could I have been thinking? 414 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:49,260 Mom, talk to Whizzer. 415 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:53,030 Not in front of the orange hairball. 416 00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,832 At least mine's natural. 417 00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:02,039 Come on, Whizzer, we have got to talk. 418 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:06,144 She's just cranky because Toto escaped from her little basket. 419 00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,748 Look, Whizzer 420 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:14,619 we're obviously two very different people 421 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,522 with two completely different approaches to life 422 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,158 who happen to be attracted to each other. 423 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,527 The only solution that I can see is 424 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,629 you have to change. 425 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:27,231 Dorothy, what are you doing? What do you want? 426 00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,500 [sighs] Triplets. 427 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,736 What do you think I want? I want a home. 428 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,104 Is that too much to ask? 429 00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:35,673 Oh, so we're starting on that one again. 430 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,875 Look, there's one thing you have to understand. 431 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,978 You're not more important in this relationship than I am. 432 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,182 - I don't think that! - Yes, you do. 433 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,350 So what if I do? 434 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,886 Well, I think if we have a prayer of making this marriage 435 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,755 work, we're gonna have to ask ourselves 436 00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,924 one very important question. 437 00:19:52,926 --> 00:19:55,560 And be honest. 438 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,596 Do you love me, or am I just convenient? 439 00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,731 You're convenient. 440 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,201 Well, so are you. 441 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,102 And I love you. 442 00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,104 And I love you. 443 00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:11,676 You know, you'd think after three marriages between us, we'd 444 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,544 we'd be better at this? 445 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,080 So, what are we gonna do? 446 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:20,084 Well, each of us is going to have to give up something. 447 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,186 You first. 448 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,323 Well, I can't give up music, but.. 449 00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,658 ...I will agree to look for a permanent gig 450 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,660 and wherever that turns out to be 451 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,829 we can live there. How's that? 452 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:35,666 That is so giving and thoughtful of you. 453 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,335 - Can we live here? - No. 454 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:40,571 Now, this is the part where you have to give up something. 455 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,074 Alright, I'll give up the triplets. 456 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:46,310 What do I need with more stretch marks, anyway? 457 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:50,581 - Dorothy. - Tsk. But I like being here. 458 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,084 I like being close to Kate and the kids. 459 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,253 How can you ask me to give that up? 460 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,189 Well, I was hoping you'd like to be near me. 461 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,494 Do you say that to every cheap floozy 462 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,663 you pick up at a bar? 463 00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,833 Only the ones I marry. 464 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,606 Oh, gross! 465 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:19,810 Now, I won't be able to eat for a week. 466 00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:25,416 Kate! Get in the kitchen and hose down your mother. 467 00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:27,118 Yuck! 468 00:21:28,388 --> 00:21:29,053 [instrumental music] 469 00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:36,527 Ahem. You know, I miss being nice like this. 470 00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:40,665 I know. I hate it when we fight. 471 00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,267 Of course, making up has its advantages. 472 00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:45,169 [chuckling] 473 00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:48,472 [both moan] 474 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:49,907 Are you sure you two wouldn't be 475 00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:52,510 more comfortable at the y? 476 00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:53,878 [sighs] 477 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,713 Shouldn't you be digging yourself 478 00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:58,883 a hole for the night? 479 00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:02,753 You know, Dorothy, they should make a movie of your life story. 480 00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:06,324 They could call it "Lady Brings The Blues." 481 00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:12,663 ALF, can we be alone? 482 00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,932 Well, I appreciate the offer, but 483 00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:17,735 I'd rather swallow a hammer. 484 00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:21,505 Can't the two of you get along for even five minutes? 485 00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,875 Hey! This is as good as it gets. 486 00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:29,313 Well then, are you planning to stand there the whole night? 487 00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:30,981 Of course not. 488 00:22:30,983 --> 00:22:33,150 Just till "Letterman" is over. 489 00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:37,355 Maybe they have the dancing poodles tonight. 490 00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,058 [theme music] 491 00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:45,062 [theme music] 492 00:23:09,655 --> 00:23:12,957 Ha-ha-ha! Yuck!